In which I catch up on some correspondence

Dear World,

You smell really bad. Please stop.

Love,
St. Eph

*****
Dear Campus Coffee Shop,

While I appreciate your committment to my hydration goals, I would rather carry around a single-serving size of bottled water, rather than the 50-gallon tanks you think I might need. Please let me have less than 20 oz of water at a time.

Love,
St. Eph

*****
Dear Chicago,

Why you gotta be so mean? Remember how happy we were back in the fall? When it didn't snow every goddamned day? When sometimes it was above freezing for more than an hour? Let's do that again sometime. Seriously, you're like the worst boyfriend in the world.

Love,
St. Eph

*****
Dear Spring,

I miss you. Please come back.

Love,
St. Eph

*****
Dear Winamp,

My name is St. Eph. You broke my Firefox. Prepare to be deleted.

Adieu,
St. Eph

In which the end is in sight

The schedule, she is killing me. I came home today intending to nap only briefly, since I have to be up again early tomorrow for individual conferences. And then I fell into a coma--the kind where you wake up and have no idea what day, time, or continent it is.

The good news is I only have one more ridiculously early day, and it's not until next week. Conferences are tomorrow and Thursday, and while I dread how I'll be feeling after repeating the same things for three hours, I do think this kind of individual attention is amazingly effective when it comes to writing skills. I really should have done conferences with this crew in Fall, but my schedule was already so ridiculous I couldn't figure out how to fit them in. Enh, better late than never.

The thing that keeps falling off my to-do list is my book order for next term, which seems fairly important. I'm fairly confident that we can do a play a week, but I'm worried about the three or four weeks when I'm planning for two plays. Then again, having once slogged through a whole week on Jonson's Sejanus, I'm much more scared of too little material than too much.

In which I slack slightly less

Papers? Graded! Cookies? Made! Rabble? Roused!

I also spent a good long time wrestling with Winamp, because iTunes exploded on me a while back and pretended like it had amnesia. I switched to another music-management application, but it was cranky about podcasts, so I switched again. Still not happy, though. All I want is to listen to Neko Case and Elvis Costello on the way to school and The Bugle on the way home. How hard is that? (Seriously, are you listening to The Bugle? It's my new favorite thing in the world. And LOLManuscripts is my second-most new favorite thing in the world, in case you were wondering.)

Yeah, I still have to prep for class, read conference papers, rewrite my abstract, and... probably some other stuff. But I accomplished three whole things today!

In which not much gets done

Today's accounting: three papers graded; one delightful hamburger eaten; many blog feeds read; no cookies made (yet).

But I did leave the house to enjoy a 50-degree day, finally. This winter has battered me, and I'm so very, very over it. But! More snow! Coming tomorrow! Because winter will never, ever end!

And, now. Off to make cookies. I'm aiming to grade three more essays tonight, leaving me with three tomorrow (I know, nine whole essays. I have not one reason to complain. I'm more annoyed by my own procrastination than the grading itself. That, and since I have so few, I feel like I need to write ridiculously extensive comments). And there's that abstract I need to slap together.

In which I consider starting something

So, I thought that maybe I'd try to actually use this space for progress reports, or accountability, or useful rants, or something. I'm still not sure what I want this to be, but it'll never be anything unless I get some stuff on the page, right?

Ok, today's accomplishments: grocery shopping, clearing out the backlog of school-related messages in my in-box, beginning to organize a concerted student response to the denial of tenure to Cheerleader Prof, making dinner, quality time with both cats, adding sports package to our channel lineup so I can watch some goddamned baseball, please.

Not accomplished, but pondered: What if I write a paragraph a day? I can do that, can't I? What if I got that book out of the bag by my feet and did some reading? What if I rewrote my conference abstract so that it actually has something to do with the paper I wrote? Wouldn't that be fun? More or less fun than grading essays?

On deck for tomorrow: grading essays, reading that book, rewriting conference abstract, writing a paragraph, making cookies, watching pre-season baseball.

In which things are accomplished

First, Citation Machine, you are my new best friend. There was a point this evening when my brain could no longer process basic information, and you saved me.

Second, don't tell anyone, but I wrote an entire conference paper today. And by "wrote," I don't mean I assembled pieces of notes and drafts into a coherent whole. I wrote the whole thing, from scratch, between 1 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. Yes, the ideas had been rattling around my head for the past month or so, and I knew exactly where and what I was doing with the close reading, but every word in the paper was written today. I'm both incredibly proud and utterly shamed. Every time I do this last-minute thing it reinforces that I can do this last-minute thing, and the cycle continues.

The best part of this, though, is this is the first piece of substantial writing I've done since the Bad Time last term. In retrospect, I reacted really badly. I not only fell off the horse, I rolled around in the mud for a while, contracted cholera, dragged myself back to town, and spent the last three months recuperating in a shabby rented room upstairs for the saloon. Or something. But now I have the scaffolding for the first half of the Big Play and Other Big Play chapter, as well as a hook for attaching it to the second play.

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In which we are done

We are, aren't we? With this whole damn year? It hasn't been bad, exactly, just eternal and exhausting. I feel like I should do a year-end wrap-up to properly situate my personal history, but I can't even remember last January. There's a vague sense of writing feverishly to make departmental fellowship deadlines, and then... nothing for a long, long time. And then writing feverishly to make job-related deadlines, and then... suck, lots of suck. The End.

So, anyway. More recent history has included a lovely trip to the sunny, balmy climes of the American Southwest. Oh, Tucson--I love you, I miss you, and you make me ineffably sad. I ate a lot. I got a trucker tan on my right arm (so, really, a passenger tan).

And then we came home for MLA. Went to the blogger meet-up (Hi! Hi! You all were awesome!), drank fancy hotel-bar drinks, chatted a bit, and scurried home. C. had an interview on Friday, and I went ahead and registered so I'm covered for next year. I popped into a session Prof. Persnickety was presenting in, and got a smile and wink from our department's Gloriana (been there forever, brilliant and ballsy, so kind and gracious to those she likes, so terrifying from the other side). I slipped out before the hobnobbing after, preferring to disapparate instead. Strolled the book exhibit, spent not so much but got so much (see below). I had intended to go to some panels on Saturday and Sunday, but the inertia of my couch proved too much for me.

The theme of the last week or so has been How Many Books Can I Buy, and Will They Make Me Feel Better? Answers: 36 and Kinda.

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In which I find an excuse to go to the archive

Here's my secret shame: I don't do archival stuff. It's not that I don't want to, it's more that the whole research portion of my graduate training has been... sad, to say the least. Non-existent is another apt term. My home library has, allegedly, a fantastic collection of stuff. My city has yet another fantastic private library with archives right up my alley. And yet, I've never delved into them.

But! I met with Don Music yesterday to discuss cabbages and kings and how on earth I can finally put at least one chapter to bed. After the last committee meeting, I came away with a new framing idea for the whole diss, and Don and I talked yesterday about how to pursue that idea and what kinds of critical and contemporary sources I need to bring into my argument. Which then led to him getting all excited about a tiny little genre of 16th-century how-to manuals in a tangential field. Of course, none of these manuals are of the kind of literary or historical importance to have been put out in modern editions. So it's off to the archive with me, because there's no way in hell that I can skim that ridiculous blackface type on a computer screen (not that EEBO isn't awesome).

UChaos's library doesn't have a copy of the one manual I most want to look at, but the private library does. As well as what looks like a few other related books. So, once we get back from our holiday trip to the balmy southwest, I'll be hieing myself downtown to get my official reader's card. Whee!

I do hope, though, that this new approach doesn't derail the work I've done so far. It looks like this material will fit neatly into what I already have written and give the chapters the critical grounding the committee thinks I need. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by my talk with Don, but also tentatively excited that I'm finally getting specific advice toward producing the work they want to see.

Also, I went a bit hippie-flaky earlier today and cleared out all the crap that was cluttered up in front of our household shrine (what, you don't have a household shrine? Made up of saint candles, Elvis memorabilia, milagros, conference nametags, and casino chips?) because I felt like the energy was totally trapped, man. Also, my bamboo plant was nearly dead.

Oh, and I celebrated turning in my grades by buying an awesome bag. It's big enough to fit file folders!

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In which I give myself enough rope

Hell with it, then. I just sent off the abstract, proposing a paper on our favorite mopey Dane. What are they going to do, kick me out of the Smart Kids' Club?

It is now my intention to sit down and play video games for several hours.

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In which the end is in sight

St. Happy's in the books. UChaos has just turned in final essays, and grading is set to commence. This term was rough, and I'm so glad that the end is finally here. I'm a bit disappointed in my own performance this term; I feel like I just let go about halfway through. St. Happy took the brunt of my flailing, but the overall grade distribution came out acceptable, so I didn't drive us off the rails or anything. I did, however, not receive five (5!) final essays from that class, which is just inexplicable. I'm more astonished as a student than as an instructor; when I gave up on a class as an undergrad, I gave up. Just stopped acknowledging its existence. I don't understand showing up and doing the work through the term and then just bailing on the thing at the end that's worth nearly half of the final grade. Who does that?

UChaos came along a bit better, mostly because it was an all-new prep for me, which forced me to pay better attention and adjust as I went along. I think I managed the connections I was trying to make across the materials, but the final essays will be the proof of that one way or the other. I had forgotten, though, what different creatures first-years are. They're fascinating in their weird array of knowledge and ignorance. They know such obscure and fantastic things, and then turn around and call every bit of published text between two covers a "novel." They've exposed a number of my own blind spots (like, how is everyone in the world not enamored of the humanistic approach to text?), and I'm sure they'll be exposing even more next term. I'm really happy that I have another term with this bunch to expand on the work we've done so far and to patch up some of the mistakes I made with them this term.

Ok, and as for my own work. Not good. Or, rather, not happening. The word-count has not budged, because I have not yet opened a document and named it "Most-Famous Play and Second-Most-Famous Play Chapter." I'm reading toward it, but I haven't yet put words to it. There was a meeting with 2/3 of my committee before Thanksgiving in which we figured out what was producing the disastrous miscommunication that led to the Bad Thing that happened in October. It was useful, but I'm still shaping my rage into the constructive engine I need it to be.

I also need to submit an abstract for a conference-thing. Today. I think I'll be presenting on Most-Famous Play, but I'm feeling a bit wary of submitting such a thing to a conference of Big Willie bigwigs. Is it absolute folly to do so? Or are we all so over that play that now we can actually start doing things with it again?

(It also occurs to me that this wariness is a product of the Bad Thing. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received came indirectly from Persnickety Prof., who told Mr. Eph that I was "fearless." Which, although it may have meant "too obtuse to know better," I held as a badge of honor. And now... now I fear I may be fearful. God damn it.)

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